Today we went to my friend Ali's house to get their portraits taken. It's an amazing benefit to have a friend who is also a talented photographer. Check out her page here.
Anyway, while we were there she graciously handed me a CD with these photos she took while at our house dying Easter eggs. I love looking at the pictures she takes because they almost make me feel like I'm there again. I can hear their giggles, and even feel their little squirmy bodies when I was tickling them. The picture of Clara at the top captures her so clearly. She fully experiences all details - even the sun coming in the front door. One picture of Stephen that I couldn't get up is fantastic - it's his 'thinking' face. It's like looking at gears in motion.
These pictures make me more in love with my kids, if that's possible. Maybe I just love them more because they are sitting still!
A long time ago I was talking to my mom about this overwhelming, crushing love I have for my kids. It is usually followed by a trembling fear that they someday might encounter something I can't fix. Nightmarish things like kidnapping, abuse, disease, disaster. I told my mom that it's hard for me to give my kids up to the Lord's plans for them when I know that those plans might include pain. Mom (with much wisdom, as usual) said that moving from a reluctant prayer of "here, God, please be gentle," is fine, but the real peace comes when you find joy in giving your kids over completely to His protection, His plans.
Today is the first day I felt a twinge of victory in this area. My first glimpse of joy, peace even, in completely letting go of my 'mama bear' instincts.